Drive to the doctor's office

Well, Howdy mom! Today’s been pretty busy.  So I didn’t have too much time this morning to make a voicemail, we had to be in Hamilton by 12:00.  Which means we left the house at about 10:00 to get everything done.  That’s normally when I make breakfast and make a voice recording, so right now it’s 3:48.  I’m currently driving to the Hamilton hospital, with my companion Elder Hand.  Say hi, Elder Hand.

Elder Hand - Hi, Elder Hand.

 (laughs) And, uh, we’re going to go get his news so that joke helped out a bit.  You’re going to make a really good dad some day with all those dad jokes you’ve been using.

E.H. – I know, it’s going to be the best.

My shirt is getting really tight.  I had to undo the top button.

E.H. – It’s because you’re getting fat.

True.  Being lactose intolerant was the greatest thing that ever happened for me.  And then finding out that Lactaid makes it all better is one of the worst things that ever happened to me.  So yeah, we’re heading to the hospital right now to find out whether or not Elder Hand needs surgery.  It’s been crazy this last week thinking about it because I was in his position just about almost exactly a year and a half ago.  I almost want to say it was February.

E.H. - So pretty much your six month mark?

Yeah, it was like February of 2016, yeah, just about my six month mark.  I tell you, you’re turning into me.

E.H. - No.  I will never enjoy Doctor Who or Harry Potter.

It’s alright. I said “turning”.  You’ll get there.

E.H. - Never.

So yeah, we just came from a member here in it’s like the outskirts of Hamilton and Darby…

E.H. - No, it’s like Hamilton and Corvalis.  Darby is the other direction.

So Hamilton and Corvalis.   So we used to go to this giant gym out here, the Searle’s gym, and they’re really awesome and great, but then someone found this other gym.  The members here are just rich.  Oh, there’s a cop up there.  Good thing I’m going slow.

E.H. – It looks like someone got in a wreck.

Oh… yeah.

E.H. - Oh well.

Bless their heart.

E.H. - That’s a derogatory term.

No it’s not.  Not the way I use it. It’s like saying “Hey, there’s a bloody body on the side of the road.”  In England, you’d be using some pretty strong language there.  However, if there was a bloody body on the side of the road, I wouldn’t be cursing.

E.H. - You make no sense.  We’re in Montana, nothing happens in Montana.

Farm accidents happen all the time.  Ho! Oh, that’s just a cow.  I thought it was a bull.  Or not a bull, a buffalo.

E.H. - No, that’s just a cow.

Right on the side of the road there.  Wave hi to the cop… it’s a sheriff… drive by…

E.H. - Don’t hit the back of this truck.

Hit the back of the truck… And speed off. Hit and run.  I like it.  Oh that’s not an officer, that’s just a guy talking to another guy in a truck.

E.H.- It’s a girl.

Oh.  Oh!  This week has been really good.

E.H. - Eh.

Talked to the Olson’s.  They’re the ones heading down to Gilbert.  Gave them my suitcase, packed up most of my stuff.  That was really really weird and surreal.

E.H. - He had a hundred pound suitcase by the time it was all done.

Oh, at least.  We didn’t actually weigh it, we just picked it up and “Ugh.  That thing’s heavy.”

E.H.- We couldn’t pick it up.

So, that’s coming your way.  I packed up everything heavy so that I’ll most definitely be at the 50 lb mark.

E.H. - Or below.

Oh yeah, way below. I packed up just about everything, minus white shirts, a couple slacks, one suit, my shoes obviously, garments…

E.H. - All the essentials he needs pretty much.

Basically.  I even sent my blanket home. I kept the Doctor Who blanket because that’s small and it will be my pillow on the plane, it won’t even count as a carry on so… plus it’s super light so it’s not like it would matter too much.

E.H. - Plus it will be IN your carry-on.

That’s a good point.  I’ll probably even just go like… No, I’m a missionary, I can’t do that.  I was gonna say “put my head in the little pocket thing and wear it like a cape.”

E.H. - No.

But, I’m a missionary.  So anyways there’s this gym over here that we spent preparation day at as a zone.

E.H. - You’re a goldfish man, a goldfish.

Woah! This is a brand new bowl!  This gym, it’s huge, there’s a bowling alley in there, a swimming pool, a rock wall…

E.H. - It’s like a small bowling alley.

Yeah, it’s a one lane small bowling alley, rock wall, inflatable like…

E.H. - Obstacle course

Obstacle course.  Kinda like those bouncy sets or things that you’d go on when you were six.

E.H. - A pool.

I think I said pool.  Maybe not.

E.H.- A movie theater.

There’s a movie theater… Granted half that stuff we can’t use as missionaries.

E.H. - We can’t really use the rock wall and the swimming pool.

Punk rock’s not a phase mom.

E.H. - It’s a llama, it’s not an alpaca.

Alpacas we’ve determined are punk rock.  We sheared alpacas and gave it this ridiculous haircut.  Well, not a haircut, but just the way their hair grew, like we looked at it, and were like “Oh my goodness, they are freaking punk rock.”  ANYWAYS, I’m a freaking goldfish right now. This gym was legit, we had a lot of fun there as a zone.  Got more tight.  Elder Wright and I were going to plan district meeting, but you know me, and imagine like trying to sit down and plan something with all those distractions.

E.H. - Imagine a dog…

She knows me, I tried to do homework back home.   Ooh, that’s nice and warm.  You could brand someone with that.  He has this cane with a little metal head on top, a…

E.H. - Eagle.

An eagle. Freedom!

E.H. - It’s my freedom stick.

It’s the stick of freedom.  We also have a stick of Judah, and a stick of Joseph, and that’s the stick of freedom.  So, that’s that.  We had a lot of fun today.  How long has this recording been going?  Only 7 minutes.  We’re fine.  If it reaches more than 20 minutes I can’t send it off by email.

E.H. - Are you going to send your mom that video of me making fun of your sister?

So Elder Hand wasn’t quite making fun, so he went through… Inside lane! 

E.H. – Sister Berrett, if I die, I want you to know it’s your son’s fault.

I have gotten much better at driving, I want to let you know that.

E.H. - No.

I no longer drag race on the mission.  I haven’t done that since Butte, and that was only after district meetings with the other missionaries.  And no, I wasn’t drag racing. I was kidding.  Um. Let me think.  I don’t know what are some fun things…

E.H. – you were talking about your sister thing.

Oh! He was going through my picture book and you know that picture of Madison at prom holding the balloon? And you posted a picture of her having crazy eyes apparently.  And on the other page is a picture of her normally, and that was your compromise.   Well, we thought it was… Oh! We’re in Hamilton, I know where to go.  I don’t need the GPS right now.  So, I took a video of him flipping from one page to the next, and he’s just like, I don’t know, what were you doing?

E.H. – I was just like, “I don’t see the same person!” The video makes more sense.

It’s so funny.  So we’re sending that.  Thankfully there’s wifi at the doctors office.  Elder Hand doesn’t want me to go in with him.

E.H. - Cause I’m stubborn.

Stubborn like a mule.

E.H. - That’s right! My mind is set.  No one can change it.

Man, I am really, really thirsty.  There better be a water fountain at the doctor’s office.  

E.H. - I think there is.  If not, you can ask where the hose is.

I’ll do it.  I almost did that the other day, but then I realized that we still had some clean cups.  Yeah…  Dishes are getting hard to do.  I used to be really good at them.

E.H. - Eh.  I’ve been lucky in each of my areas to have a dishwasher.

Same. Or no. I had one twice.  I had a dishwasher twice.

E.H. - Me too. I’ve been in two other areas.

That’s right, cause it’s your six months.

E.H. - Seven!  At the end of the month.

We have been doing really good this last week.  It has been stressful cause Elder Hand got his MRI this week, and we’ve just been awaiting the news.  His appointment was going to be Wednesday, but we called and basically begged to come in today.

E.H. - We didn’t beg.  We just asked. “Is there an opening?”  She’s like, “hang on.”

No, but the doctor is Mormon, and he’ll fit you in.

E.H. – (whispering something unintelligible) Metallica!

Oh, that’s that screamo band.

E.H. –  Go straight…. Metallica’s not screamo!

Well, I’m already committed.  I’m halfway turned.  The system’s a grid.  The town is a grid system.  The system’s a grid.

E.H.- Welcome to the 80’s.

Oh, ummm…

E.H. – User.

What’s that?

E.H. – Tron.

Oh.

E.H. – Welcome to the grid.

I saw the newer Tron movie like once.

E.H. – Your son is very uncultured.

I was kinda like, “That’s stupid.  I’m good.”

E.H. - It’s such a good movie!  The old one is slow…

I just watched the new one.

E.H. -The old one you’re just like, “Hmmmm.  I see what they’re doing here. It kinda sucks.”

Eh.  I have a lot of better movies I need to catch up on.

E.H. - They’re supposed to be making a second Tron.

Yeah, and they’re also supposed to be making a ‘Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog’ but clearly that hasn’t happened yet.

E.H. - That will never happen.  It’s just like the second Princess Bride book.  That’ll never happen.

Ouch.  That’s low.  So, uh…

E.H. - Easy there Speed Racer.   

Dude.  I was going like ten miles an hour.

E.H. - You still spun tires.

On the dirt.

E.H. - Yeah.

As I turned.

E.H. - Yeah.

Ok.

E.H. - Calm down.

So we’ve been nervous all week, we’re heading to it now, so that’s what’s been on our minds.   Honestly not too much to report this week, sadly

E.H. - I haven’t killed your son yet.

He hasn’t killed me yet.  So that’s been good. We haven’t had too many lessons and I haven’t been able to meet with too many people this week.  It’s been a bit of a slow week to be honest.

E.H. - Eh.  I’ve had slower. It’s been a Tuesday week.  (?)

Yeah, Tuesdays are slow. We were able to do quite a bit of service this week and that was always good.  Elder Hand can’t do too much.  We helped a guy build part of his house,

E.H. - I sat there and directed people.

Did service at the Clothes Closet.

E.H. - I sat there and directed people.

The guy said I was a really good worker when we were building his house, he had me taping off things, and helping with caulking.  I don’t know, sorry that’s about it.  Oh yeah, Duh!  Your email.  Let’s see, Madison has a C.O.W?? Um, Excuse me? I had C.O.W’s too.  I can’t really judge too much.

E.H. - I have a lot of cows.  I have 35 of them back home.

He raised cattle.  He does not have 35 girlfriends.  Um, let’s see.  There’s the office there.  Ok. We’re here.  Mom, I will type a reply when we’re in the Doctor’s office.  Love you a ton.

E.H. - Love you too!

Hope you have a great day, Elder Hand loves you too, and God Bless. Bye.